Help! I’m Turning into a Hillbilly

I haven’t been in the mood to write anything serious lately.

So tell me, do you think I am turning into a redneck hillbilly?

We’ve only lived in the country for three years, but the evidence is mounting up against me:

  1. Today I fixed my knock-off Birkenstocks with duct tape, and wore them in public
  2. I actually thought that perhaps wearing my paint-splattered, dirt encrusted work jeans into town would make people think, “Wow, there’s a woman who works hard” and not, “Wow, she’s mess”. In the end I changed. I thought the jeans combined with the taped Firks (fake-Birks, get it?) was a bit much.
  3. I have a growing obsession with power tools. I look forward to the Canadian tire and Home Depot flyer every week and get cranky when they’ve been tossed in the recycling before I get a look at them. Yesterday, I had a half hour I needed to “waste” in town, and I chose to spend it at the hardware store looking at drill bits.
  4. I believe most things can be fixed with either duct tape, zip-ties or Trem-clad. So cliché of me!
  5. I can’t remember the last time my kids had a bath, but they’ve been swimming, and they don’t stink – so that’s good enough, right?
  6. I think I’m funny, but mostly people just roll their eyes or look confused when I tell a joke – you’re probably doing one or the other right now. Oh well.

On the other hand, I cannot stand beer, eyeliner or Nascar. I hate loud music outside. And my neck isn’t actually red.

Is there hope for me? Or am I a lost cause – destined to stick out like an uncultured sore thumb when we move back to a clean, suburban, yuppy neighbourhood? Is there an antidote?

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2 thoughts on “Help! I’m Turning into a Hillbilly

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